BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
