grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
