Say something about gay babies.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
