Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
