i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
