I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
