i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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