You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
