just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
