I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
