i was rollin on her like bob the builder
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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