Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
