A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
