my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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