peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You need Xanax blowdarts
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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