Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
