Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
