Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
