I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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