That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
