hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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