Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
there's paper in my vomit.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
