I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
