i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
