I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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