so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
