Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
