My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
