pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
