I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
