i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
