I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
BRING THE BAGELS
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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