I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
