How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
