oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
