Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Pants are for mortals
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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