What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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