for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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