I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just puked most of my soul out..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
