me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Text me some of your sweat
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
