i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
