so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
