I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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