Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
