So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
