I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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