I showed him my bush... on skype.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
