Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
