Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
