Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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