Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
