How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish my penis had a tongue
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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